Saturday, October 24, 2009

The Truth Anyone??


He asks "Hey, How are you?"

She says "Do you want the truth or the lie?"

He answers "The truth..."

She replies "The truth is, I have been feeling like I'm in some kind of a gut twister. I go to
sleep every night wishing that I would not wake up in the morning and when I do I wish I could somehow disappear to a place where no one can find me. I feel like crying for no good reason, and then suddenly I am alright again. I am stuck but I have no idea how to get myself undone. The problem is I also have no idea where I got stuck in the first place. Sometimes all I wanna do is scream and scream but when I open my mouth there's no sound. I feel lost in a sea of people. I am just tired. Tired of fighting, tired of living but yet I do not want to give up. I know I am not alone, and even though I don't feel it, I am living it. It's getting emptier, it's getting darker and when it gets cold, I'd like to die."

He asks "If I asked for the lie, what would you have told me?"

She says "I doing just fine."

He goes on "If I knew that you were not alright already, what would you have said?"

She says "Don't worry about me. I am stronger than you think."

He questions "What do you want the world to believe?

She says "That I am strong and that I do not have a need for anything."

He asks "The truth is?"

She says "I'm breaking into pieces."

He goes on "Do you want me to stay?"

She answers "Please go."

He insists "I'm not going anywhere?"

She pleads "But I will leave you."

He smiles "I will stay for as long as you need me and then when you are ready, I will let you go"

She'll wait.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

To You...

I know you do not believe in missing someone...but i miss you.

I know you would never search out anyone who went missing..I wished you came to look for me

I will let you down and I will disappoint you

Sometimes I do still wish I did not know you because then you would be that beautiful stranger I could just look at..

I do not like where we are right now..but here it is..

I will still walk through fire for you...



Monday, September 7, 2009

The Myth Of A Moderate Malaysia

Sadanand Dhume, 08.31.09, FORBES

Canings, cows' heads and ethnoreligious apartheid.

If you're looking for an image that captures the conflict between fervent Islam and basic human decency, look no further than the Malaysian city of Shah Alam, about 15 miles west of Kuala Lumpur.

On Friday, a group of about 50 men, agitated by plans to relocate a 150-year-old Hindu temple to their neighborhood, made their feelings clear by staging a protest march from a mosque to a government building. Amidst the usual cries of "Allahu Akbar" and "takbeer," the protesters deposited the freshly severed head of a cow--an animal sacred to Hindus--before the building's gate. The group's leaders made threatening speeches and, perhaps caught up in the spirit of the moment, hammed it up for the cameras, stepping and spitting on the cow's head.The police--who have been known to arrest people for such crimes as attending a candle light vigil or wearing black in support of the opposition--stood by and watched.

Ironically, those scanning the globe for a Muslim-majority country that inspires neither dread nor despair often alight upon Malaysia . Until a few years ago, the Southeast Asian nation boasted the world's tallest building, the iconic 88-story Petronas Towers . Powered by electronics, palm oil and petroleum, Malaysia is the world's 20th-largest exporter, ahead ofSweden , Australia and India . Per capita income, about $14,000 in purchasing parity terms, is about the same as in Argentina . Apart from the obvious prosperity of downtown Kuala Lumpur, the casual visitor notices the comforting trappings of a British colonial past--a Parliament, a judiciary, a professional police force.

But most strikingly, Malaysia (along with next-door Indonesia ) can claim something increasingly rare in the Muslim world: a large non-Muslim population. About four in 10 Malaysians are Buddhist, Christian, Hindu , Sikh or Confucian. (By contrast, Turkey , the poster-child for an Islam at peace with the 21st century, is 99.8% Muslim.) Recognizing the power of this statistic in our multicultural age, Tourism Malaysia promotes the country's allegedly harmonious blend of Malay, Chinese and Indian communities with an odd but nonetheless catchy slogan: Malaysia , Truly Asia.

The reality, of course, is a lot less sunny. Unlike neighboring Singapore, which shares the same colonial past and ethnic mix--albeit with a Chinese rather than a Malay majority--Malaysia has rejected secularism in favor of a kind of ethnoreligious apartheid that belongs more in a medieval kingdom than in a modern democratic republic.

In Malaysia , Islam is the state religion. Higher education, the bureaucracy and vast swathes of the economy are operated as a kind of spoils system almost exclusively for Malays, whom the state defines as Muslim. Race and religion determine everything from your odds of getting into medical school to the amount you're expected to put down for an apartment. The conversion laws, based on sharia, bring to mind the Eagles' classic "Hotel California": You can check in (to Islam) any time you like, but you can never leave.

Over the past 30 years, encouraged by the government and influenced by the Middle East,Malaysia 's growing prosperity has gone hand-in-hand with a heightened piety. But instead of making the country more humane, this has had the opposite effect. Friday's protest was part of a larger pattern. A 32-year-old Malaysian Muslim model, Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, faces a sharia-prescribed caning, suspended at the moment on account of Ramadan, for the crime of drinking a beer. Muslims have been barred from a Black Eyed Peas concert next month sponsored by Guinness.

Two years ago, a Muslim-born woman, Lina Joy, failed in her famous eight-year quest to convert to Christianity to marry the man that she loved. (Interfaith marriages to Muslims are forbidden unless the non-Muslim converts.) In another high-profile case, Revathi Masoosai, a practicing Hindu, was forcibly separated from her husband and infant daughter and sent to a religious re-education camp after it was discovered that technically she had been born a Muslim.

Taken together, these cases illustrate two issues--both central to the debate about Islam and modernity--that Malaysia is struggling to come to terms with. Can a Muslim majority live with a non-Muslim minority as equals, or must the former be explicitly dominant--in law as well as in day-to-day life? And can Muslims reconcile piety with a culture where the rights of the individual (say, to order a beer) are given precedence over communal beliefs?

To be sure, not all Malays, perhaps not even a majority of the sharia-minded, approve of the acts of boorishness committed in the name of their faith. Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak has ordered police to take action against the Shah Alam protesters, and members of parliament have cut across racial and party lines to condemn the incident. The English-language Malaysian blogosphere is alight with outrage, much of it Muslim. Nor are questions about secularism and individual rights absent in non-Muslim societies.

In recent years in India , thuggish Hindu groups have developed a penchant for roughing up women in bars and castigating young couples for the high crime of celebrating Valentine's Day.

America has yet to come to terms with a woman's right to an abortion.

Nonetheless, only in Muslim-majority lands are religious bigots given such broad leeway by their secular co-religionists.. An Indian feminist is apt to laugh in the face of a pious Hindu who tells her that gender relations need to be ordered by the ancient laws of Manu.

In America , the so-called new atheists--most prominently Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins--don't need to think twice about ridiculing religious beliefs or savaging the most powerful priest or pastor. But in Malaysia , as elsewhere, secular liberals tend to tip-toe around Muslim religious sensibilities. They wield the word "un-Islamic" as an insult rather than as a compliment.

Unless this changes, unless Malaysians can find a way to treat Islam like any other set of ideas, scenes like those in Shah Alam on Friday aren't about to disappear.


Sadanand Dhume is a Washington-based writer and the author of My Friend the Fanatic:Travels with a Radical Islamist (Skyhorse Publishing, 2009).

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Why are all the Heroines Damn Dumb??!!!

I just finished reading this romance novel called Something Wonderful. Elaine said it was really good and that it is worth reading. Now I went through my phase of romance novels when I was 14 or 15. I found really good ones and I found the really stupid ones. I still have some that I consider worth re reading from time to time. Some authors of these romance novels put more than the hot steamy sex in their plot. They actually have interesting story lines. So I look forward to a good romance novel from time to time. So this time I was reading this book. Already from the beginning I could predict the predictable plot. It was so unbelievable!! But I went on reading seeing as how it had a promise of something different. It starts out the same:-

The heroine is a naive or well to do or peasant or an object of desire or seen as plain by the people she loved most or never good enough. And most of the time she is a virgin with some past..forced into something she does not want to do...her eyes hold something so precious and she has not been 'awaken' yet..it always surrounds the same thing.. a burden too heavy to bear and the she meets-->

The hero.. Always some powerful man, by either title, wealth, strength and looks. Always portrayed as a dangerous predator which such sex appeal that the heroine cannot deny. Almost always he is likened to a greek god..he has deep dark eyes..so tall, a body made of steel (lol) brooding masked eyes..always he has some past that has made him that hard..but in bed he is a god and has or had a string of mistresses all of whom are completely and utterly beautiful but it is this virgin heroine that is the most compatible to him..and then-->

The heroine falls in love with him and she cant control herself and she wants him to realise how beautiful it is and wants to do nothing but love him. The man does not believe in love but cannot get over his desire over this woman and becomes so possessive and jealous. The woman finds his soft spots and wants only to see him in that manner...and then-->

She finds out something about his past and she feels betrayed or vice versa..she begins to hate him with all her heart...his arrogance, her boldness, his pride, her stubborness...she wants to leave and never see him again...always she makes up her mind..he decides he cannot have her around..but but...she cant fucking open her mouth and say what she wants to, because he touches her...she is revolted but she cant control herself and after a feeble struggle surrenders to passion building up within her...WTF??!!!

Then goes the plot into some story of him trying to win her back and she trying to deny her feelings...but at the end of the day something would happen to make him expressed his undying love to her and they love happily ever after...sigh

Now ladies and gentlemen I have given an overview of three quarter of the worlds romance novels...please don't bother continue reading any of them unless like i said they fall in the category of very few good books.

Now my problem is...the heroine is always portrayed as independent, speaks her mind and stubborn and bla bla but when it comes to standing her ground she becomes a total pussy...no control over her body's desire..Like WAT THE FUCK??!!! Why do the authors always portray them as so dumb with no brains at all??!!why de hell?? The most fucked up thing is all these authors are WOMEN!!!!!!! wats up with them??

Can someone please give me and answer??!!

At the end of the day I did not like this romance novel at all...Kudos to those romance authors who really put some sort of reality into their writing..the rest of you, can your books get any more desperate??? sigh..go out and get some...please!!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Home...It Can Be Bad for Health...seriously...

Since before the rave in May, I have not been back home...I started missing it so much...Then when things started going down the drain in Kampar..Home was where I needed to be...Yeah sure..some people are very keen on saying..you got to learn to be independant and you won't always get to go home whenever you want...or so what if you haven't been home the whole semester??i didn't go back as wel and it's fine..answers...just cause i miss home and would like to go back doesnt down play my independance..and i happen to love my home..i happen to love the people living in my home...i love the neighborhood where my home is at...therefore...i love going back home and seeing the one's i call my family...it's the one place that is separate from everything else and is truly my own...
Like i said...I have not been back in a really long time...when merdeka came up and there was such a long weekend stretch ahead of me.. i decided..im going back..well 1st I needed to make sure Lil Tyke was taken care of...and Navin offered and I grabbed...lol...The anticipation was so unbearable...it was so lovely to come back home...mum and jill were the only one's at home...jill saw me get out of the car then told all the pets to run for cover..hehehe...that's my youngest sister..i walked into the house and then i saw an ASTRO decoder..I was like we have ASTRO??since when?? mum went since MJ died...and I started laughing...you see...mum has been adamant over the years bout not putting astro for our home cause she said that we (she meant me) would do nothing but watch tv the whole day!!! she was right...im not known as the walking and talking tv guide for no good reason you knw...lol...of course i do not have a tv in kampar...sigh..im thinking of getting one of those chinese phones just for the sake of watching tv...hehehe....aaaahhhh!!!what to do?? i am an addict!!!

From the moment I arrived home, I parked my ass on the couch and started watching tv...even for me to take a shower was hard...I didn't want to stop watching tv!!! it started on friday night..on sat afternoon until sunday early morn i was in kl bt when i reached back to pd at 6 in the morn, the 1st thing i did was....on the tv...hehehe..since i have stil not done up my room.. i slept in the hall (evn wit 3 other empty bedrooms in de house) right in front of the tv...and when i woke up, i switched it on...lol...and i'll go on the whole..it is tuesday, 4:30 pm nw...the only reason i can even write a post now is cause i told jill to off the tv and remove the card and hide it!!!! hehehehe...i am dat bad!!! bt really..where else can i laze around the whole doing nothing but watch tv, eat, oh and play poker with the family??? i would have my shower twice a day and go and sit in front of the tv...and dun get me started bout the food!!! i dun remember my house havin such an endless supply!! i was killing myself with all the homecooked food!!!

I did not check my facebook account for days!!! or sign in into my msn!! the only time i came near the pc was to give my sister some music and movies....and i can tell you something really incredible...in de 4 days I have been here, i have only smoked 6 times!!! lol...i am by standards not a heavy smoker anyways...bt still...its good...

Now the best part bout being at home?? getting to see my family again...de sarcasm, the teasing..the wrestlings..no fights dis time..hahaha...bt seriously...it was time well spent...my brother joshua did something so horrible to himself..i nearly died...let me just show you...


This is Joshua and Jillian...when Joshua was normal...and this is him nw --->


He is the one in gold...he got kidnapped by a bunch of aliens...lol...ok wel..this is from a show he did on saturday..i mean i think he looks brilliant...his costume was done very well...but i really wish it was just a costume...cause you see...dis brother of mine...went and bleached his hair..BLEACHED HIS HAIR!!!!GAH!!! he wanted his hair to match the costume...i went "eeewww aaaaahhhhh" when i saw him...n then started acting like a crazy person...i did all but take a pair of scissors and snip the whole thing off!!! leave it to my unbelievably talented brother to do something drastic...i mean check this out...i get a tattoo and he gets his hair bleached!!! there's no competition here..there is just the clear cut winner...lol...

Then there are the pets in my house...i have got 7 cats and a dog...There is Prince...the dog...who has arthritis..common for his species..but here he is...


This is the grandmother of the house Pheobe

I couldn't find a pic of Belle (her son) but here is Gwen (her daughter)

And introducing the third generation of babies in this family, Chaney, Gayle, Puppet and Boh!!

And this people is my Mum!!! It's amazing that I found a photo of her smiling like this...

I do not want to go back to Kampar just yet..but I have to...so anyways...I have to go now...have to get ready to head to KL and catch the train to Kampar with Miss Intan...Loved being back home...but I think this once in a while thing is good cause otherwise i'll become one lazy ass...lol

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

To the one who use to call herself my baby bitch...

u knw...sometimes some things are just not meant 2 be...we had an amazing run tgtr...you and i shared one heck of a bond...you know i would hv always had ur back..i loved u dat much..i dun blame you for de choice you made...it was just something you had to do 2 be with de one who meant de world to you...i was fine with taking that step back..it sucked big time..but i always knew that no matter what, i would always only want for you be happy...i wont say we drew apart..i wont even say that we walked out on each other..there's no need to say any of that...the reason why i am writing this in de 1st place, evn though im not evn sure if u'd read it, is cause i want you to know that i will not forget...any of it...the you that i knew will always be cherished...that despite it all..you were worth it big time...we may not be speaking anymore..shite does happen...i guess taking each other for granted was something we both ended up doing...i just want to say...have a great life..i wish i could say come back...but we both know its not dat easy...i have no say in who you are..but i will always stand up for de girl i knew...take care babe...be happy...for what its worth...i really did love you :D

Friday, August 14, 2009

Why March??

Why do Malaysians march?
Yeo Yang Poh
3 Aug, 2009, The Sun
http://sun2surf.com/images/sun2surf/articles/36441/ZUL__isarally-masjidnegara.jpg
On the move ... a section of anti-ISA protesters near
the National Mosque in Kuala Lumpur on Saturday.

WHY march, when the government has said that it will review the Internal Security Act? Why march, when there are other very cosy ways of giving your views and feedback?

One would understand if these were questions posed by nine-year-olds. But they are not. They are questions posed by the prime minister of this nation we call our home. Answer we must. So, why?

Because thousands who died while in detention cannot march or speak any more. That is why others have to do it for them.

Because persons in the corridors of power, persons who have amassed tremendous wealth and live in mansions, and persons who are in the position to right wrongs but won’t, continue to rule our nation with suffocating might. And they certainly would not march. They would prevent others from marching.

Because the have-nots, the sidelined, the oppressed, the discriminated and the persecuted have no effective line to the powerful.

Because the nice ways have been tried ad nauseam for decades, but have fallen on deaf ears.

Because none of the major recommendations of Suhakam (including on peaceful assembly), or of the commissions of inquiry, has been implemented. Because the proposed Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC) is not in sight, while corruption and insecurity live in every neighbourhood; and (despite reasoned views expressed ever so nicely in opposition) Rela (people’s volunteer corps) is being brought in to make matters even worse.

The proponents in “Su Qiu” (remember them?) were not marchers. In fact it is hard to find nicer ways than “su qiu”, because the term means “present and request” or “inform and request”. In terms of putting forward a view or a request, it is the height of politeness. Yet they were labelled “extremists” – they who did not march.

And now you ask, why march?

Because you gave non-marchers a false name! You called them the “silent majority”, who by virtue of their silence (so you proudly argued with twisted logic) were supporters of government policies since they were not vocal in raising objections. You claimed to be protecting the interest of the “silent majority”. Now some of them do not want to be silent anymore, and you are asking why?

Yes, because double standards and hypocrisy cannot be covered up or explained away forever; and incompetence cannot be indefinitely propped up by depleting resources.

Because cronyism can only take care of a few people, and the rest will eventually wake up to realise the repeated lies that things were done in certain ways purportedly “for their benefit”.

Because the race card, cleverly played for such a long time, is beginning to be seen for what it really is – a despicable tool to divide the rakyat for easier political manipulation.

Because it does not take much to figure out that there is no good reason why Malaysia, a country with abundant human resources and rich natural resources, does not have a standard of living many times higher than that of Singapore, an island state with no natural resources and that has to import human resources from Malaysia and elsewhere.

Because, in general, countries that do not persecute marchers are prosperous or are improving from their previous state of affairs, and those that do are declining.

Because Gandhi marched, Mandela marched, Martin Luther King marched, and Tunku Abdul Rahman marched.

Because more and more people realise that peaceful assemblies are no threat at all to the security of the nation, although they are a threat to the security of tenure of the ruling elite.

Because politicians do not mean it when they say with a straight face or a smile that they are the servants and that the people are the masters. No servant would treat his master with tear gas, batons and handcuffs.

Because if the marchers in history had been stopped in their tracks, places like India, Malaysia and many others would still be colonies today, apartheid would still be thriving in South Africa, Nelson Mandela would still be scribbling on the walls of Cell 5, and Obama would probably be a slave somewhere in Mississippi plotting to make his next midnight dash for the river.

And because liberty, freedom and dignity are not free vouchers posted out to each household.

They do not come to those who just sit and wait. They have to be fought for, and gained.

And if you still want to ask: why march; I can go on and on until the last tree is felled. But I shall
obviously not.

I will end with the following lines from one of the songs sung in the 1960s by civil rights marchers in the US, without whom Obama would not be able to even sit with the whites in a bus, let alone reside in the White House:

“It isn’t nice to block the doorway
It isn’t nice to go to jail
There are nicer ways to do it
But the nice ways have all failed
It isn’t nice; it isn’t nice
You’ve told us once, you’ve told us twice
But if that’s freedom’s price
We don’t mind ...”

Yeo Yang Poh is a former Bar Council president. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Ramblings of an Empty Mind pt III


Listening only to NYC Weather Report by Five for Fighting

Trying to figure when exactly did you become just like the rest of them

i watched you walk out on me and I walked after you

maybe looking at only the good side of ppl clouds everything else

it has been three years and yet the rush still feels like it was ystdy

never expect me to do as you want me to

i still and always will be my own person

i'll say it as i see it

tell me what you think

i never walked out

why do we allow others to let us lose ourselves

pride is really gonna get us nowhere

i will never deny who you were

but i will never stand by who you are

i am still taking back

i am still my own

and i am still walking free

come back

i really did love you

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Face Behind the Mask

Previously I said something about real raw emotion...Now I am gonna speak the truth...You see that image there? Elaine..i lied..when i look in the mirror i don't see what you see...i see the person i really am...hey..this is the face of a liar...a self proclaim hypocrite and a chameleon...this is the face of the person who does nothing but toy with others...this is the face of a coward...this is the face of a person who can so well dupe everyone into believing something that is not real...this is the face of someone who does not deserve chances...this here is what being ugly really means...this is me...so im saving you all the trouble...i wish i can really say i never meant to do any of this to you...but the problem is that i already did...honestly do not trust a single thing that i say...i am as manipulative as i am caniving...i said i would speak the truth...so here it is...bottom line is..you should not trust me..not at all..cause i am just gonna end up destroying you anyway...

i do not want to cause any more damage...but that is all i will end up doing...